Tired Thoughts

There are a few things I tell people when I first meet them.

1) I really love my school
2)I want to get my Masters in social work
2) I want to minor in physical therapy
3) I have 5 siblings
4) I went to Spain over the summer
and
5) My mother has stage 4 breast cancer

I've tried blogging before, and it never really works. I think, "Nobody really cares about me. Nobody wants to listen to me rant on and on about what I did today." But tonight I feel strangely...enlightened.

I want to tell everybody that I'm doing good. I want to tell everybody that I've reached a point in my life (at 15 almost 16...yeah...right) that I want to say I am firm in my faith. And I am starting to realize what faith is about. I feel like I love everybody. I'm just wishing I can extend grace to those that have trespassed against me, and for that to be reciprocated.

I've been pretty down lately. Just feeling like I don't matter. I guess typical "Teenage Depression B.S." But it's not even that. Since my mom found out she had cancer (May 2007, about 8 or 9 months) I've been trying to take care of everybody. Taking care of my baby brother (He was 1 in October), my girlfriend Laura, the rest of my family. Taking care of everybody else, worrying about them, that I completely fell apart in myself. I was tired. I was irritable. I was mean to everybody. Just somebody that you didn't want to hang out with. And I'm usually Happy-go-lucky Jesse! Everybody loves me. I'm a great talker (since I was 18 months...yes...full conversations). I can listen. I have so many friends. But I just couldn't stand people. Now, I'm feeling so much better. It just took a week-and-a-half of people just saying "Jess, what's going on? Why are you being so mean?" I just needed to chill out. I needed to talk with my self. Quiet reflection "What the hell are you doing with your self?!" time.

So, I guess it should be bed time (12:00 a.m...maybe...just maybe...)

I love you all for supporting me and being here for me