My Head Hurts!!!

So. My head is friggin killing me. That's where all my stress is. Like. I'm basically a really mellowed out person. I don't really get stressed out about things. But I do worry a little bit. I guess people think I don't have a care in the world. But I guess I do. And you know what the sucky thing is about stress migraines? They have a trigger. And mine is quite possibly the worst thing. Hunger.

¡Tengo Hambre!

So today was only sort of bad. First, last night I was watching Clay (the baby), and didn't get to bed until real late. I actually wound up sleeping in bed with him. So I woke up around 6:30 and my mom said she would drive me to school. Awesome. So I went upstairs and lied in my bed for about thirty or forty-five minutes. Sooooooooooo cozy. And then I got ready. Took me until a little before eight (Because I'm slow. No I don't wear make-up or do my hair!!!). So I go downstairs, and Mom and Kelly (step-dad) are talking about getting coffee at Rocket Cat or Dunkin' so I figured I'd get breakfast there, and I'll just make lunch and watch Clay so they can get ready. I ate a granola bar (as to tie myself over).

Little did I know, that the line for the DRIVE THRU at the Dunkin would be packed with mindless drones in two ton SUV's waiting for their caffeine with black food coloring in a hot styrofoam cup, and Rocket Cat always takes a half hour. So my breakfast plans were shot to the ground. CRASHING AND BURNING. As my stomach twisted and turned. This was not going to be a good day. I could already feel little bubbles forming near my temples.

So, I get to school, and I ate my snacks (another granola bar and a cheese stick. Both from Trader Joe's). And I was fine. For about twenty minutes. Right before Spanish class, my serotonin levels were low, causing the blood vessels in my head to swell up. A.K.A. a migraine.

So I was in the office for about half the class, I didn't want to eat my lunch and then be left with a migraine for the rest of the day. But Rachel (the BEST intern ever!!!) said she would give me one of her mini pizzas at lunch, so I could eat my lunch between 2nd and 3rd period, and be fine. So, I went to Spanish class, and it was really really really loud, because they were doing group study, and I just lay my head on the desk with my hoodie over my head. And somebody gave me some ibuprofen, which helped A WHOLE LOT. Thank you. And after class I ate my double-cheese-veggie-burger (Hey, they taste good! Don't knock veggie burgers 'till you eat them). And at lunch, Rachel gave me pizza, and girl Sam gave me a pretzel. And I was fine for the rest of the day. At least until now. Now I'm starving, and tired, and my head hurts a little bit. So, I'm gonna eat something, get some ibuprofen, and GO TO SLEEP!

The Sky Is The Limit

So. Last year, about mid February, we were at my mom's friends house for a late thanksgiving. And they wanted us to meet their friends from Maryland (originally California). So, apparently they have a four year old daughter, and they're looking for a babysitter. My mom is a psych major, so she knows all about behaviorism, and she's taught me a few things, and refers me to all her friends. So people ask me to babysit for them all the time.

So, anyway. I was at the house, and I was talking to the mom (Lhianna). She's an awesome lady, and I gave her my phone number. A week later I babysat Xia- the then four year old- extremely articulate, knows what she wants, overall pretty strong kid. I got to their house, which is an old catering hall in Kensington that they turned into living space. And this girl is running around in circles on the hard wood floors in her underwear. She was so excited. So Lhianna showed me around the huge house and the huge dog Diego (Clarence, the dad, got him in Spain). Lhianna put Xia to bed, they gave me the emergency rules and what not.

This was the beginning of a very long relationship.

A couple months later, and watching Xia four more times, I walked in the house from school and my mom says to me "Do you want to go to Spain this summer with Clarence and Lhianna?"

I'm say in my über sarcastic tone, "No. I don't want to go on an airplane for the first time ever. I don't want to leave the country. I don't want to hang out with Xia for three weeks. YES OF COURSE I WANT TO GO!!!!"

A few weeks later, May seventeenth, my mom told my brothers, sister, and I that she had cancer. I'm not going to talk about what happened because it's personal family stuff. I'll say that we all cried and talked. My mom told us that she wouldn't be here forever. That all we have is today. And that every day is a blessing.

I love her sooooooo much.

Flash forward to June 27.

Clarence and I are walking to the scooter rental place. About a three minute walk from the house. I am jumping out of my skin. Oh my god. I'm going to ride a scooter all by myself. Oh my god. This is gonna be awesome. I can't wait. Yes. The most exhilarating thing since Flying a Lockheed CL-475. Just kidding. Since my first airplane ride about two weeks before. So we get there, and the lady is saying "Does he have a license?...Can he drive one?...Give him the smaller one...You're responsible if he messes up my scooter..." I'm like Yes. O.K. All right. Helmets. Yea. On. O.K. Gas. Break. On. Off. Yea. Lets go.

So I turn it took me a minute to turn it around so I could merge with traffic. I've seen a hundred guys riding. And their legs are up. So it must fine. So. I put my legs up on the rest. And I give it way too much gas. I ride like four feet and fall and slide about ten. Thank God I had a helmet on. There weren't any cars at the time. And Clarence turns around to pick me up. "Are you O.K..." Meanwhile, The rental lady saw the ENTIRE thing.

She comes out, and says "I watched you fall. You scratched my bike. You are going to have to pay for that. I thought you knew how to ride a scooter. You have to pay me for this." Not even caring about whether I'm alive or not. My Right elbow and knee are totally scratched up. Sort of bleeding.

So we park the scooter, I hop on the back of Clarence's scooter and we ride to a parking lot. I rode around the parking lot for a while. Lhianna and Xia came over and met us. Clarence went to get the scooter, and I rode that one around for a minute. We then rode back to the house where I cleaned up. Still shaking from pure adrenaline pumping through my veins.

For the next few days we rode all over Almuñecar (the town we were in). Each time I got on the scooter, I went a little faster than the time before. We rode to a beach, and on the last day we had the scooters, I wound up reaching about 65 km/h which felt really fast. It's about 40 mph, but when you're only wearing a bathing suit and a t-shirt (and yes, a helmet) it felt really really really really fast. My leg and arm healed up nicely.

Hopefully, we go back again this summer- they own their house in Almuñecar- and hopefully I don't wipe out again. I don't think I would. Oh lovely lovely lovely.

Tired Thoughts

There are a few things I tell people when I first meet them.

1) I really love my school
2)I want to get my Masters in social work
2) I want to minor in physical therapy
3) I have 5 siblings
4) I went to Spain over the summer
and
5) My mother has stage 4 breast cancer

I've tried blogging before, and it never really works. I think, "Nobody really cares about me. Nobody wants to listen to me rant on and on about what I did today." But tonight I feel strangely...enlightened.

I want to tell everybody that I'm doing good. I want to tell everybody that I've reached a point in my life (at 15 almost 16...yeah...right) that I want to say I am firm in my faith. And I am starting to realize what faith is about. I feel like I love everybody. I'm just wishing I can extend grace to those that have trespassed against me, and for that to be reciprocated.

I've been pretty down lately. Just feeling like I don't matter. I guess typical "Teenage Depression B.S." But it's not even that. Since my mom found out she had cancer (May 2007, about 8 or 9 months) I've been trying to take care of everybody. Taking care of my baby brother (He was 1 in October), my girlfriend Laura, the rest of my family. Taking care of everybody else, worrying about them, that I completely fell apart in myself. I was tired. I was irritable. I was mean to everybody. Just somebody that you didn't want to hang out with. And I'm usually Happy-go-lucky Jesse! Everybody loves me. I'm a great talker (since I was 18 months...yes...full conversations). I can listen. I have so many friends. But I just couldn't stand people. Now, I'm feeling so much better. It just took a week-and-a-half of people just saying "Jess, what's going on? Why are you being so mean?" I just needed to chill out. I needed to talk with my self. Quiet reflection "What the hell are you doing with your self?!" time.

So, I guess it should be bed time (12:00 a.m...maybe...just maybe...)

I love you all for supporting me and being here for me