I'M DYING!!!!!!!!!!

I'm home sick right now. I've thrown up twice so far. And my head is killing me. Why. I thought I was going to be the only one not sick. On Saturday we went to New York for my birthday. Saw Spam-a-lot. It was so amazing. The sets and costumes were beautiful. The songs were hilarious. At intermission my mom thought she lost her wallet, and Kelly thought it was just in the car under a seat, so they left. My mom said that by the time they got to the garage, she was hysterical crying. It was in the car. So he bought my mom a Spam-a-lot shirt that says "I'm not dead yet." They got back about two or three songs in Act II. And because we were in the balcony, my mom didn't want to go back up all those stairs, and one of the ushers said they could just watch from the first level. After it was over, we went outside, walked down the block, hailed a cab, and went to the Trailer Park Lounge. This is the greatest restaurant that I have ever been to. OK. This place, when you first walk in has a wooden screen door painted this bright green. And then you go down the hall, and it has the super tacky clear plastic strips hanging in the doorway. And then you enter this huge room with thousands of pieces of nostalgia. In there, there about 20 velvet Elvis pictures. Records with country singers from the 50's, 60's, and 70's, including Dolly Parton, and John Lee Hooker. Next to where I was sitting, was a plastic bush wrapped around a wooden block. Behind me were pictures of Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker. Above the bar was a pregnant mannequin sitting on a sparkly red vinyl chair with her legs wide open smoking a cigarette and drinking cheap beer. There was a juke box that was out of order. All the chairs were yellow sparkle vinyl. I had an extremely rare burger everything on it with sweet potato fries and a coke. They have burgers, grilled cheese, mac n cheese, serious nachos, chili and moon pies for dessert. they brought mine out with a candle in it. It was awesome.

Slacker

Sorry I haven't been posting. I have a lot of trouble keeping up with things. I know there aren't very many viewers, but I probably should be keeping up more. Not much has been going on. And I haven't really come up with any stories I wanna tell. Kelly's parents are here from California. Karen has a show in Baltimore this weekend. She does macrame jewelery. It's very ornate. Ummm...oh.

Yesterday we were reading a book called the Secret of Birthdays and we were reading mine. And it said that I was accident prone. And I started listing all the things that have happened to me. All the times I fell, or scraped, or sprained, something. The time I split open my chin. The time I tipped over the scooter in Spain. And some other stuff.

And I totally stopped up there because I had to fold. My jeez. I really can not finish anything. It's really hard for me. Finish half my homework. Finish half the laundry. Half my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm a retard. I think I am. I am soooo tired. I might go to sleep. This blog was gonna be super long too. And guess what. I finished half. Can you believe that. I am a disgrace to mankind. Well. Not mankind. Maybe just myself. I am disgusted with myself.

What Do You Mean Skipping School?!

My mom is soooo awesome. Wednesday is her and Kelly's hang out day (They have cable at Body Graphics and so they watch Project Runway while I make sure Clay doesn't wake up and destroy the room like the little tyrant he is). And so last week I just went to sleep in the bed downstairs with Clay because it was like eleven thirty. And mom drove me to school because it was on the way to chemo. We were on the way and I asked her if I could go next week. Over the summer I went to chemo with my mom at least three or four times. But she has a different doctor at a different hospital. So I kind of want to see what it's like. So I'm not going to school tomorrow
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Sorry I didn't finish on Thursday, but I've been busy. Ugh. I'm tired. I just got home I guess an hour ago from a benefit for Jenni Bender from Circle of Hope (one of my churches). Her father just died from cancer, and they have some stuff to take care of. The show was at Circle Broad and Washington. This new band, Papertrigger, and and an old band, Me Without You, played. They are both really amazing bands. It was so much fun. I'd never seen Me Without You before and actually never listened to them. I am glad that I saw them though. Aaron, the singer, Chris, the guitarist, and Greg, the bassist, all go to Circle East (the one i go to). Aaron comes over my house with food all the time and hangs out with us for hours. And when I saw him after the show, he was surrounded by people. Me Without You is a HUGE band. And I never really noticed before tonight. I also met Aaron's mother tonight. She is a very sweet lady, and I liked talking to her.

And there was a raffle to raise a little more money, and a bunch of people donated art. And I actually got a painting from a friend of ours from church, Mariko. She painted this really awesome blue watercolor tree sky. Like a really really really deep blue. It's really awesome. Tucker won this 25 dollar gift certificate to this place, Naked Chocolate cafe? And Asa and Kelly won stuff. So overall it was a really fun night. Although, I kind of wish the reason for the show wasn't the one it was. But he who loves his life shall lose it. And Jenni's father knew that. Although I never met him, I've heard amazing things about him, and glad that he touched so many people's lives'. Nighty night.

Again. Something that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!!!

Ok. So, I get home, and my aunt (not blood, sort of adopted, you know) Alys and I are in the kitchen because I was starving and we were starting dinner, and she says to me, "Are you going to this fund raiser tonight too?"

And I was like "What? What fund raiser. If I didn't know about it, that must mean I'm not going. Nobody ever tells me anything." So, I guess I did hear about it, it just didn't click in my mind that I was going, or that it was even tonight.

So. What this was, was a fund raiser for the Linda Creed Breast Cancer Foundation.
Basically, what happened was, my mom's friend's Amy and Sid own a corset shop, Delicious Corsets, and they felt like doing something nice.

They decided to donate corsets to artists in Philly for work, and then they would auction them off for Linda Creed. There was a table full of stuff that they were raffling off for my family (I won't say how much it made), and somebody's mom baked these awesome pastries and little cheesecake cupcakes. They showed off all of the corsets, which were absolutely wonderful.

Through the month of February, they will be auctioning on line right here. Honestly my op three are in no particular order: Jeff Kilpatrick (Fishtown Skyline), Paul Palcko (Support), And Bird and Monique Ligons (Vise Versa). All of them had hours of work put into them. I'm glad all these artists worked to help Linda Creed. I'm glad that everybody bought raffle tickets. And I thank everybody who came and showed support.

It was nice seeing everybody that I haven't seen in a while. Thanks again.

My Head Hurts!!!

So. My head is friggin killing me. That's where all my stress is. Like. I'm basically a really mellowed out person. I don't really get stressed out about things. But I do worry a little bit. I guess people think I don't have a care in the world. But I guess I do. And you know what the sucky thing is about stress migraines? They have a trigger. And mine is quite possibly the worst thing. Hunger.

¡Tengo Hambre!

So today was only sort of bad. First, last night I was watching Clay (the baby), and didn't get to bed until real late. I actually wound up sleeping in bed with him. So I woke up around 6:30 and my mom said she would drive me to school. Awesome. So I went upstairs and lied in my bed for about thirty or forty-five minutes. Sooooooooooo cozy. And then I got ready. Took me until a little before eight (Because I'm slow. No I don't wear make-up or do my hair!!!). So I go downstairs, and Mom and Kelly (step-dad) are talking about getting coffee at Rocket Cat or Dunkin' so I figured I'd get breakfast there, and I'll just make lunch and watch Clay so they can get ready. I ate a granola bar (as to tie myself over).

Little did I know, that the line for the DRIVE THRU at the Dunkin would be packed with mindless drones in two ton SUV's waiting for their caffeine with black food coloring in a hot styrofoam cup, and Rocket Cat always takes a half hour. So my breakfast plans were shot to the ground. CRASHING AND BURNING. As my stomach twisted and turned. This was not going to be a good day. I could already feel little bubbles forming near my temples.

So, I get to school, and I ate my snacks (another granola bar and a cheese stick. Both from Trader Joe's). And I was fine. For about twenty minutes. Right before Spanish class, my serotonin levels were low, causing the blood vessels in my head to swell up. A.K.A. a migraine.

So I was in the office for about half the class, I didn't want to eat my lunch and then be left with a migraine for the rest of the day. But Rachel (the BEST intern ever!!!) said she would give me one of her mini pizzas at lunch, so I could eat my lunch between 2nd and 3rd period, and be fine. So, I went to Spanish class, and it was really really really loud, because they were doing group study, and I just lay my head on the desk with my hoodie over my head. And somebody gave me some ibuprofen, which helped A WHOLE LOT. Thank you. And after class I ate my double-cheese-veggie-burger (Hey, they taste good! Don't knock veggie burgers 'till you eat them). And at lunch, Rachel gave me pizza, and girl Sam gave me a pretzel. And I was fine for the rest of the day. At least until now. Now I'm starving, and tired, and my head hurts a little bit. So, I'm gonna eat something, get some ibuprofen, and GO TO SLEEP!

The Sky Is The Limit

So. Last year, about mid February, we were at my mom's friends house for a late thanksgiving. And they wanted us to meet their friends from Maryland (originally California). So, apparently they have a four year old daughter, and they're looking for a babysitter. My mom is a psych major, so she knows all about behaviorism, and she's taught me a few things, and refers me to all her friends. So people ask me to babysit for them all the time.

So, anyway. I was at the house, and I was talking to the mom (Lhianna). She's an awesome lady, and I gave her my phone number. A week later I babysat Xia- the then four year old- extremely articulate, knows what she wants, overall pretty strong kid. I got to their house, which is an old catering hall in Kensington that they turned into living space. And this girl is running around in circles on the hard wood floors in her underwear. She was so excited. So Lhianna showed me around the huge house and the huge dog Diego (Clarence, the dad, got him in Spain). Lhianna put Xia to bed, they gave me the emergency rules and what not.

This was the beginning of a very long relationship.

A couple months later, and watching Xia four more times, I walked in the house from school and my mom says to me "Do you want to go to Spain this summer with Clarence and Lhianna?"

I'm say in my über sarcastic tone, "No. I don't want to go on an airplane for the first time ever. I don't want to leave the country. I don't want to hang out with Xia for three weeks. YES OF COURSE I WANT TO GO!!!!"

A few weeks later, May seventeenth, my mom told my brothers, sister, and I that she had cancer. I'm not going to talk about what happened because it's personal family stuff. I'll say that we all cried and talked. My mom told us that she wouldn't be here forever. That all we have is today. And that every day is a blessing.

I love her sooooooo much.

Flash forward to June 27.

Clarence and I are walking to the scooter rental place. About a three minute walk from the house. I am jumping out of my skin. Oh my god. I'm going to ride a scooter all by myself. Oh my god. This is gonna be awesome. I can't wait. Yes. The most exhilarating thing since Flying a Lockheed CL-475. Just kidding. Since my first airplane ride about two weeks before. So we get there, and the lady is saying "Does he have a license?...Can he drive one?...Give him the smaller one...You're responsible if he messes up my scooter..." I'm like Yes. O.K. All right. Helmets. Yea. On. O.K. Gas. Break. On. Off. Yea. Lets go.

So I turn it took me a minute to turn it around so I could merge with traffic. I've seen a hundred guys riding. And their legs are up. So it must fine. So. I put my legs up on the rest. And I give it way too much gas. I ride like four feet and fall and slide about ten. Thank God I had a helmet on. There weren't any cars at the time. And Clarence turns around to pick me up. "Are you O.K..." Meanwhile, The rental lady saw the ENTIRE thing.

She comes out, and says "I watched you fall. You scratched my bike. You are going to have to pay for that. I thought you knew how to ride a scooter. You have to pay me for this." Not even caring about whether I'm alive or not. My Right elbow and knee are totally scratched up. Sort of bleeding.

So we park the scooter, I hop on the back of Clarence's scooter and we ride to a parking lot. I rode around the parking lot for a while. Lhianna and Xia came over and met us. Clarence went to get the scooter, and I rode that one around for a minute. We then rode back to the house where I cleaned up. Still shaking from pure adrenaline pumping through my veins.

For the next few days we rode all over Almuñecar (the town we were in). Each time I got on the scooter, I went a little faster than the time before. We rode to a beach, and on the last day we had the scooters, I wound up reaching about 65 km/h which felt really fast. It's about 40 mph, but when you're only wearing a bathing suit and a t-shirt (and yes, a helmet) it felt really really really really fast. My leg and arm healed up nicely.

Hopefully, we go back again this summer- they own their house in Almuñecar- and hopefully I don't wipe out again. I don't think I would. Oh lovely lovely lovely.

Tired Thoughts

There are a few things I tell people when I first meet them.

1) I really love my school
2)I want to get my Masters in social work
2) I want to minor in physical therapy
3) I have 5 siblings
4) I went to Spain over the summer
and
5) My mother has stage 4 breast cancer

I've tried blogging before, and it never really works. I think, "Nobody really cares about me. Nobody wants to listen to me rant on and on about what I did today." But tonight I feel strangely...enlightened.

I want to tell everybody that I'm doing good. I want to tell everybody that I've reached a point in my life (at 15 almost 16...yeah...right) that I want to say I am firm in my faith. And I am starting to realize what faith is about. I feel like I love everybody. I'm just wishing I can extend grace to those that have trespassed against me, and for that to be reciprocated.

I've been pretty down lately. Just feeling like I don't matter. I guess typical "Teenage Depression B.S." But it's not even that. Since my mom found out she had cancer (May 2007, about 8 or 9 months) I've been trying to take care of everybody. Taking care of my baby brother (He was 1 in October), my girlfriend Laura, the rest of my family. Taking care of everybody else, worrying about them, that I completely fell apart in myself. I was tired. I was irritable. I was mean to everybody. Just somebody that you didn't want to hang out with. And I'm usually Happy-go-lucky Jesse! Everybody loves me. I'm a great talker (since I was 18 months...yes...full conversations). I can listen. I have so many friends. But I just couldn't stand people. Now, I'm feeling so much better. It just took a week-and-a-half of people just saying "Jess, what's going on? Why are you being so mean?" I just needed to chill out. I needed to talk with my self. Quiet reflection "What the hell are you doing with your self?!" time.

So, I guess it should be bed time (12:00 a.m...maybe...just maybe...)

I love you all for supporting me and being here for me